Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
