You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
