Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
