if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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