you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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