Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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