Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
