After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
