guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
