just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
