I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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