My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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