great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
