a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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