you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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