We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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