Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
