So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
