if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize