would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize