I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
