Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
