I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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