She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
