so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
