Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
