SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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