Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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