I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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