so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
