miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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