I'm really into asian looking animals
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
