the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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