ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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