I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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