Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
