I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize