I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize