So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
