i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
