Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
