while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
