is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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