eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
