Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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