I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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