Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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