If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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