Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
