Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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