wat bout pragnant strippers??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They have beer where we have blood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
