Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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