I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
