my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this hospital has no fireball
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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