OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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