Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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