she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize