His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We're too hungover to prance.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
